Forgiving the Self

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Forgiveness is choosing to love. It is the first skill of self-giving love.

– Mohandas K. Gandhi

Sometimes I find myself relapsing into habits I don’t like. As hard as I try to resist my vices, they tempt me in my most vulnerable moments. I look back at some of the things I’ve done and realize, ashamed, that my mistakes have followed me. I wonder if I’m really doing right by myself, really taking care of the young woman I am. Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

I fall short, but I must forgive myself. I may stumble over my goals and drift into comforting yet insidious habits, but I don’t deserve to be abused for my human frailty. I make plenty of mistakes. I don’t do everything I know I should–sometimes those chips just taste better. Sometimes I just want to enjoy the moment. No honest person can deny those feelings.

I have committed no crime. Unless I have hurt someone, I don’t owe anyone an apology. I’m neither wholly bad nor wholly good–I’m capable of both. I only owe it to myself to forgive myself and try, try again.